oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
