Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
