I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
