I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
