I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
