Small penises have feelings too.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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