I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
