Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
