Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
