I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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