you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
