we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
