I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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