i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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