mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
