Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Soap is not a condiment
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
