The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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