Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
