So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
