so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
