So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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