A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
