Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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