Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My breasts were aching with rage.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
