stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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