My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
