It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
