I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
