i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
