I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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