apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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