If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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