he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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