he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
