fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
