apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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