I love black thongs
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
