How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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