he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
