I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
