So drunk its hurt
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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