I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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