I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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