3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
