my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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