Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
