I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my being single is dangerous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize