Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
