did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
