I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
