Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
