Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
honey bunches of taint.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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