HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
