Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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