I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
