my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
