belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
