just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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