So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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