Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize