i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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