i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
