Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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