I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
