"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
