My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize