so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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