Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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