I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
