During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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