I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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