I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am available for nakedness
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
