she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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