Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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