i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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