so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
