actually, I'm a sock model
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
