dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
