just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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