The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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