She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
