my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
