She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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